Rookie F1

Vogue, let your body move to the music…

Unless you’re Nick Heidfeld, then you can just stop it and sit down.

At RookieF1 we always like to take the chance and go a little off-track when the racing pickings are slim (F1 bouffs and facial fuzz), so without the buzz of a F1 to look forward to this weekend, how about we dissect something of utter importance? This is no laughing matter though, what we’re about to analyse is perhaps the most integral part of being a Formula One driver. Talent might be a factor, and a large wad of sponsorship cash is always necessary, but what is crucial is what they wear. Not the business card-esque race suits, or the oft questionable team kit available to purchase at eye-watering expense. It’s the official F1 uniform.

You may not have the talent, cash or energy to become an F1 driver, but with this handy guide you can look like one…for sure.

Sunglasses:

This is a vital part of any driver’s arsenal, they can use them to shield their eyes from the pervasive glare of the media or to fend off the admiring looks from their fans. Either way they have two choices, aviators or bat shit crazy shades. Aviators are the perennial back-up, chances are each driver has a pair tucked away for emergencies, and this classic never fails too look good in any situation.

Exhibit A+: The aviators

That’s all well and good, but the fun is actually had searching for those who neatly fall under the ‘bat shit crazy’ category. Just as vital as the ever-faithful aviators, but ones that will haunt the wearers for years to come…until they wear something worse. To warrant the label the sunglasses must be mirrored, have coloured lenses, be an incomprehensible shape, and (most importantly) make Eddie Jordan go ‘WTF’. Judging by some of the photos, they knew they were derping all the way to bank.

Exhibit HMDYGP: How much did you get paid?

Rule: Thou shalt play safe or get sponsored

Bottom half:

Before you roll your eyes, this is not a subtle reference to what lies beneath the layers of nomex (you can take a moment if you need one), but instead an innocent nod the only portion of clothing not dictated by the team closet. During the race weekend, the top half is draped in branded apparel and sponsor badges, which may go some way in explaining what happens down below. Easy. There are many roads to travel down, understated, overly casual, bright and unforgivable. Jeans and cargo shorts are safe bets and regular visitors to the paddock, and these are often punctuated with a snazzy pair of sneakers, or loafers. The general rule of thumb here is play safe with the trousers and go all out with the shoes.

Exhibit Knees and Toes (points for identification)

But if you want to go full on, balls out (don’t go near the water otherwise they will be), 100% F1 then you must own a pair of white trousers. There is no escaping this, if you want a slice of the Formula One life, you have to brave the ridicule and hunt down a pair that are a little bit on the snug side.

Daz challenge completed

Rule: Thou shalt be thyself and ignore the critics

Formal Wear:

Once a year several handpicked drivers are paraded around the Monaco Amber Lounge in their finery, however this doesn’t count as they’ve had the help of a stylist. Team orders may be allowed on track, but they’re banned here and drivers have to make their own choices. Being formal isn’t all about tuxedos however, if you’re young you might want to be a bit daring, but you’ve got to do it right. Take Vettel and Button mixing it up, don’t do ill-fitting jeans and a shiny jacket, do powder blue and dark denim. Instead of looking like a reality TV star on their first red carpet, you can look rather dapper. Hamilton and Rosberg are keeping it simple by going monotone, but you can only wear white trousers on their own, as going all out pushes the boyband vibe. The trick with monotone is to use another colour…case and point Mr Rosberg.

Team orders for Vettel and Hamilton?

Rule: Thou shalt not seek one’s reflection in one’s attire

Bling:

This is very important if you want to be a hip and happening Formula One driver, and some are particularly well known for their penchant for sparkly adornments. So if you wish to go down this particular route then you have to make sure you have the swagger to carry it off, so if you already have a pair of white jeans I suspect you’ll have the bling to back it up. If the idea of wearing white turns you red then may I suggest you skip this step for your dignity.

Shielding your eyes...you're doing it half right

Rule: Thou shalt fear the wrath of the magpie

Accessories:

Coco Chanel was quoted as saying, “always take off the last thing you put on”, this is good advice and often refers to those little extras you pile on to ‘finish’ an outfit. Formula One drivers are not averse to accessorising, whether it’s a practical addition or a moment of fashion-blindness. Scarves, bracelets, and manbags have all put in an appearance over the years and of course a sponsor’s watch can’t hurt.

Scarf...check. Man bag...check. Persistent attachment to hat...check. Clear shot of product...check

Rule: Thou shalt appreciate the ‘little perks’

Styling:

With Formula One being a global entity, when dressing the part you can’t just chuck your clothes on, you need to consider how you throw them on. Do you prefer a jaunty angle for a hat? Do you always leave an extra button undone? Have you a penchant for the smoother leg?

Check out those Fer-less pins

Rule: Thou shalt harness the power of Gok Wan

Off-track:

It is rumoured that the drivers sometime have to dress themselves, and from what I’ve seen the extra thought going into dressing the top half of themselves is quite the task. These guys are earning serious money and yet they have managed to create an appearance that betrays their athletic prowess. Oh, by the way that’s Jarno Trulli (thought you might need some help with that one) and I have no words for that monstrosity. Hamilton has left the boyband behind and reinvented himself as a rapper, Luizzi has left a tiny emo child mourning the loss of their favourite sweatpants and Schumacher…well, he’s wearing a fur collared leather jacket, safe to assume he’s not a vegetarian.

No caption is worthy enough

Rule: Thou shalt consult the looking glass

And if it all goes to pot, stick a sombrero on and pretend you’re Bernie Ecclestone.